Legal Domestic Violence - 3 Secrets of Divorce Lawyer's Seduction Strategy With Battered Women

Oftentimes battered women leave abusers only to find out that they are in an abusive relationship with their own divorce lawyer. And unfortunately, many spend as long awakening to this reality as they did admitting the abuse they endured by their former intimate partner.

Here are some seduction strategies that divorce attorneys use with battered women. You will benefit by knowing these strategies if you are looking for legal representation or if you feel that your attorney is not serving your best interest.

1) Tell you exactly what you want to hear, before the retainer is paid. Yes, you heard me. He/she will promise you the moon, just like the prince charming that you are divorcing.

2) Isolate you from all other sources of support outside of his/her influence and control. Counsel will directly, or indirectly, insist that you not utilize any professional resources that he/she cannot influence, manipulate and ultimately control.

3) Groom a relationship atmosphere of dominance and dependency. Your counsel will require that you are "contained," which is a polite word for following his/her direction even when it fails to support a favorable outcome for your case.

Your dependency is a natural outcome of your lawyer isolating and dominating you. Once you have become accustomed to having no other sources of professional support AND expect counsel to see your case through in a way that serves his/her original promise, then the domination is established.

Now this doesn't mean that all divorce attorneys operate in this fashion. There are some diamonds in the rough. And your job is to find them, and to see those seducing you to their advantage as just another opportunity for you to be abused.

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The Legal Influence of Misandry and Pseudoscience - 4

Walter Fox Presents an issue that needs more attention



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6u5BlvNMpXM&hl=en

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How to Handle Domestic Violence - Steps to Take Back Your Life

If you find yourself in a relationship with an abusive partner, you may wonder how you could have possibly gotten there. Most of the time, abusive partners gradually retain more and more control in the relationship and become more emotionally and physically abusive. Because of this progression, you are trained to tolerate more and more disrespect, until you are not sure how to handle domestic violence in the relationship.

Regaining Control

One of the first steps that you have to take is to educate yourself on what is appropriate behavior from your partner. Often, you become so accustomed to accepting disrespectful behavior and the manipulation involved that it makes you feel like you deserve it. When that happens, you have trouble recognizing what constitutes respect from another person. Once you learn to recognize inappropriate behavior for what it is, you are on your way to overcoming domestic violence.

The next step in how to handle domestic violence in relationships is to learn what words and consequences to use with the abusive partner. The abusive partner is accustomed to controlling every aspect of your life, and is 'rewarded' for his behavior with fear and submission from you. When you learn to recognize the disrespectful behavior, you can also learn to call it what it is and walk away, thus removing yourself from the situation.

The reason that this step is effective in learning how to handle domestic violence is that it gives the abuser negative reinforcement when he acts inappropriately. Since you walk away, there is no longer anyone to control, manipulate, or vent his anger on, so the abuser is forced to deal with his feelings of inadequacy. In addition, it gives you power and keeps you safe from harm by allowing you to tell the abuser for the first time what you will not tolerate in the relationship any longer.

By implementing these steps in the abusive relationship, you can learn how to handle domestic violence and regain control of your life. In addition, it gives the abuser a chance to make a change in his behavior to save the relationship.

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Defending Yourself From Allegations of Domestic Abuse

San Diego divorce attorney, Elizabeth Brown, explains what can be done when an order for domestic violence has been filed against you. She covers collection of all possible evidence, the right to request an evidentiary hearing, and the consequences of not actively defending yourself from allegations of domestic abuse made as well as what happens immediately after it has been filed. ElizabethBrown, attorney, specializes in family law as a partner in the Lowenstein Brown law firm. She has served as President of the Public Interest Law Foundation and volunteered in the Peace Corps as an advocate for youth. In addition to her successful representation of clients in traditional court, Elizabeth Brown also excels using alternative dispute resolution models such as four way meetings, the use of special masters, and private judging. For more information on the successes and qualifications of Elizabeth Brown, please visit www.lowensteinfamilylaw.com Disclaimer: This communication is an advertisement as defined by The Rules of Professional Conduct and California Business and Professions Code. No communication resulting herein shall create an attorney-client relationship unless a separate retainer is signed by the attorney and the client. The information in this web site is published to inform our clients and friends about current issues of importance in the field of family law. The articles presented in this web site should be viewed only as a summary of each topic and not be ...



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Domestic Violence - Understanding Its Origin Empowers Us to Avoid it Or Leave It

The Illusions

The King of the Castle

In the abuser's ideal world, he is "the king of his castle." As the king of his castle, the abuser is convinced of his entitlement to his ideal world. Idealists set up structures and rules to achieve their ideals; they create an ideology. The creation of this ideology is subtle and progressive; his focus is self-centered, self-serving and relentless.

Ideologies have their own:

beliefs
language
enforcement system

In the abuser's mind, his perceived entitlement, by extension, nullifies our rights and freedoms. He expects us to defer to his opinions and decisions and to be "seen and not heard" or we will pay the consequences. We are to meet his emotional, psychological and physical needs. His sense of entitlement is his justification for his injustice to us.

Our compliant nature and low self-esteem attract the abuser.

We have spent most of our lives hiding in fear. Our fears stem from our illusions of insufficiency and unworthiness. We believe we are less competent, desirable, and intelligent than others. This sense of unworthiness leads to fears of rejection and abandonment.

To protect ourselves from this we:

Suppress our needs in order to avoid the pain of having them denied - "I don't need acknowledgment, I don't need consideration;"
Recognize the needs and desires of others and do what we can to satisfy those;
Monitor and adjust our behavior and thoughts to match theirs until our own dreams, desires, opinions and identity disappear

We have an illusion of control when we deny ourselves and decide to meet the needs of others - the choice is then ours - whereas we feel helpless and vulnerable if we rely on others to meet our needs since the choice becomes theirs.

The illusions the abuser perpetuates, reinforce our illusions of ourselves:

The abusers sees himself as powerful, superior, intelligent, capable, important, respected and invincible while he convinces us that we are weak, inferior, stupid, incompetent, insignificant, unacceptable and invisible.

We may feel safer believing the lies and embracing our unworthiness because we fear what will be required if we change our mindset. The lies serve some purpose for us and we need to question the costs of letting them go and weigh them against the costs of believing in them.

Dissolving the Illusions

The cost of believing the lie:

Have we given up the pursuit of higher education?
Have we given up our spiritual beliefs thinking we are unworthy?
Have we given up looking after our appearance and health?
Have we given up associating with other people?
Have we given up our right to individual self-fulfillment?
Have we given up the right to be safe from harm?

Question the abuser's illusions: (to protect yourself do this within yourself, as it may be dangerous to directly challenge his sense of entitlement).

Are his expectations of us stemming from his love for us or himself?
Are our efforts at transforming ourselves into his dream, destroying or preventing us from discovering our own dream?
Is his concept (from the "Abused" list above) of who we are now, an illusion?
If this illusion were true would our partner still want us around (does he himself believe what he is trying to convince us to believe)?
Would he have chosen us in the first place (if he believed we were worthless)?
What does this say about him (does he have another agenda for psychological abuse)?
Is it to his advantage to have you believe the lie rather than the truth?

Just because he believes or says, something does not make it true. Lies are still lies even if they are believed. However, if we start with one of the lies in his list (or ours) and question it in various ways, we can begin to change our perception of it.

Questioning our illusions:

Do others believe this (from the abused list above) about me?
Did I see myself this way before I met my partner?
Are there inconsistencies with this view? (am I capable in some areas, do some people like me)
Did this lie start in childhood?
How do the lies affect my behavior, my choices?

The Revelation

Lies

Chain you in bondage
Bring darkness decay and despair
Bring discord
Bring fear

Truth

Sets you free
Brings light life and love
Brings peace
Brings trust

Lies are behind our low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence. Truth brings the enlightenment needed to lift the veil and empower us to walk out of the mist and into the sunshine of freedom.

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