The root problem, especially for women from broken homes, is that they long to be loved by a man--even if the relationship is less than healthy. Even if they have to tolerate abusive behavior just to be loved. Following is Chanelle's story.
My home was dysfunctional - unwed mother, no father. Mom did a fine job of raising us, but it was one-sided. So I grew up with this need in me to be loved by a man. A father. A lover. A husband -- either, or, didn't matter. Since there was no positive influence of a man in the house to serve as a role model, there was this huge disconnect.
I mean, how was I supposed to know what a compatible, loving relationship between a man and a woman was like? What qualities a man was supposed to express as a lover and best friend to his wife? Or how a responsible loving father would train his children and set goals for his family to grow and prosper in life? Or how a couple would solve problems in a way that worked when the ride became bumpy? "
So, if I was quick and bold, I heard the crap the sharpest guys have been dishing. I mean, my role model was the sexy lyrics of MTV and BET videos to hear. RAP music and the like. Frankly, who wore the latest fashions and had the best lines. Basically I was just stumbling about life, hope for love here and there, the best.
After more hits and misses, but I own up to, wound I want with Kurt, who had shifted in. At first he committed asthe perfect guy for me, my eating and drinking showering me with attention. But control it was all just a game. It was to manipulate me. You see, the early attention was to convince me that he really loved me. Then, as he felt I won, he began to wean, excuses for his absence. Raus with the boys. Gotta meet someone on the corner. Working late. Excuses beyond time.
Sometimes he had for days, but of course he would show up on "pay day", my money and ventured down hisask where he had been. And if I show an attitude - would flow nocturnal pleasures too sweet for words again. He could resist me as a woman love you and I would believe that he loved me all over again, which I will forget the days of neglect, despite all his crap. Never mind he did me no money, no help with the baby, not helping around the house - he loved me he does not? I had a man I do not have? And he was my husband
Then there was the put-downs. He'd call me lazyruthless, bold, all that would I feel guilty for his negativity towards me, suggesting, as my fault, it was a privilege only of his environment. At the time there was any - I mean, you do not need your husband to give up so I found myself, all I know how to please him. But many a tear soaked pillow cradled me through lonely nights. Most of the time I was irritable, anxious, angry, but I kept this for over 13 years to love him, hope, pray that we would remaintogether, maybe even get married."
Then...One day, the cramping knots in my stomach, the burning pain in my heart, the constant feelings of worthlessness throbbing in my head, told me enough was enough. By that time I'd learned computer skills and landed a job where a coworker recommended a counselor. The counselor taught me principles of self love and how relationships work best and I have never looked back.
Bottom line is when a woman learns to love herself first--she will recognize not tolerate abuse and an abusive relationship is no more.
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